G: I wish there was more Dennis Franz.

D: We have to get up early and go lily pad hunting.
G: What? Maxi-pad hunting?

D: Hey, you owe me! I had to go to that massage with you.
G: Oh my god, i am still thinking about that.
D: Well, i am too, and i'm thinking about calling a crisis center.

G: Do I smell like the Caribbean?

G: Let's go shit in the manger, on Baby J!

D: What does your hat say?
G: Yankee Jammer.

G: (after drinking three bottles of calamine lotion) Calamine is a Pal O' Mine!!!

G: (being licked and attacked by a dog) This is better than Vietnam!

D: You are scaring me, we should go to a hospital.
G: Good, cuz then i could fuck a doctor.

D: Why did you hit me?
G: I didn't hit you. I just gave your face a high five.

G: The only thing homeless people want to do to forget their problems is
A) do drugs
B) drink
or
3) have anonymous sex...that's where i come in!

D: Ahh, little house on the prairie- doesnt Michael Landon make a great father figure?
G: I dont get this whole pioneer thing- it doesnt turn me on.

D: What should we do?
G: Let’s play tenement slum!
D: What’s tenement slum?
G: It’s where we invite 13 people over to sleep in our bed...I'll bring the crabs!

D: You took a poop on the hood of a cop car!
G: Hey, he was going to give me ticket!

D: you know what they say… if your life is rusty, your bible is dusty.
G: you know what else they say…going to church really sucks big donkey cajones.

G: im going to blow sand up your clam hole

(G comes home drunk)
D: Whats that smell??
G: Febreeze! Man, who knew? Who knew?

G to D: You look like a bowl of spaghetti.

G: My opera is going to be called Les Minge